I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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