I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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