They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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