Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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