Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
