Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
