i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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