There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
