im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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