I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
