i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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