you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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