Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
