You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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