whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
