I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to make out with him forever
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
