Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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