I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
