Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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