OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So many bounce houses so little time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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