I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
