grandma shit on top of the toilet
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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