He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
