I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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