He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
