he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
