i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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