Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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