Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
