We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
