I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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