so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
