I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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