listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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