happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
