Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
