she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
