I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
