Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
