i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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