I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
