if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
