I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
