just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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