textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
did i just pee glitter
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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