Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
