When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
