Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
