Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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