It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we're so committed to being not committed
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