everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
