Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
