she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
