Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
