I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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